Gov. Rick Scott raises minimum wage to satisfaction of a job well done
By Thor Bloodaxe | firstname.lastname@example.org
TALLAHASSEE, Florida – Newly reelected Gov. Rick Scott has announced his intention to raise Florida’s minimum wage to the satisfaction of a job well done.
After months of campaigning to win the seat as governor, much of it focused on the contentious issue of Florida’s economy, Scott made clear exactly what he planned on doing to it.
“What Florida’s businesses and workers need is a real incentive to improve and foster a sense of responsibility and pride,” Scott said. “With that in mind, I promise to raise the minimum wage to the satisfaction of a job well done.
“Florida has plenty of money,” Scott said. “I mean, look at me. I’m doing great. People don’t need money, businesses do. What the people need is some backbone and something to teach them some character. People need to be independent and know that, if you work hard, you too can take satisfaction in knowing you earned the sweat on your brow.”
The announcement came as a shock to many. Rick Scott had generally been tightlipped regarding his policy on raising the minimum wage through his first term. When asked whether he supports the concept of a minimum wage at all in a gubernatorial debate held late in October, Scott replied, “If the private sector didn’t supply quality, high-paying jobs, how could my job exist? You can’t explain that.”
Scott, who signed a bill in 2013 banning cities and counties from assigning their own minimum wages, insisted that the new minimum wage would be good for the economy.
When asked if the new minimum was actually lower than the previous minimum wage, Scott visibly rolled his eyes and offered the crowd a dramatic sigh.
“Well, Some people just don’t understand the value of hard work. I bet you voted for Overby, you socialist.”