Jeb Bush announces he will run for president, is reptilian
By Frank Fencil | firstname.lastname@example.org
Jeb Bush confirmed two poorly kept secrets on Monday when the former Florida governor announced he would run for president in 2016 and that he is, in fact, a reptilian.
“Like my father before me and my older brother, I aspire to lead this nation with honesty, dignity and compassion,” Bush said at a news conference Monday. “And like them, I am also part of a vast global conspiracy run by reptilian shapeshifters wishing to usher in a new world order and enslave all humanity.”
Bush’s camp did not address questions about potential running mates.
Reptilians hail from the Alpha Draconis star system. And while many hide in underground bases, some hold prominent political roles, such as former presidents George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton and Queen Elizabeth II.
The Spring Hill Courier has pressured Jeb Bush for answers regarding his reptilian heritage but like many politicians he shied away from the line of questioning by refusing to take our quiz or slide into our DMs.
— Spring Hill Courier (@shcourier) June 3, 2015