Hungry Howie’s CEO reveals company’s mascot is transgender


By Sandy Yolker |

SPRING HILL, Florida — In a startling announcement, the CEO of Hungry Howies Pizza announced that “Howie,” the official cartoon character mascot of the Detroit-based chain, has come out as transgender.

“We all know and love Howie, all seen his goofy face for years, but hidden behind that hungry simpleton’s face was a lost soul going through a gender crisis,” CEO Burle Gander said. “Heather, as she would like to be called now, just wants to go on providing delicious pizza with fresh ingredients, without any discrimination.”

Allegations from the LGBTQ community that the company is just revamping its image in an attempt to pander to the new generation of pizza lovers have exploded from the internet. Gander vehemently denied the claims.

“Heather, just like any other iconic corporate character is simply co-evolving with the rest of the world,” Gander said.

Some Hernando County residents said they are outraged at the sudden drastic change in what they have relied upon as a traditional Spring Hill staple.

“I won’t take my family here for the buffet anymore,” said Pern Gelding, one of several residents of the nearby Cobblestone Historical District who protested at the restaurant at Spring Hill Drive and Kass Circle. “I can deal with the cockroaches and employees’ face tattoos, but this is ridiculous.”

The grand re-opening is July 1st.

Sandy Yolker

Sandy Yolker graduated from Gorn College in 1988. She has a Masters Degree in Journalistism and she is a proud mother of 3 children that she spends time with every first and third weekend.

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