Gorilla kills 3 teens sneaking into abandoned primate reserve to play Pokemon Go
By Frank Fencil | firstname.lastname@example.org
SPRING HILL, Florida — Three local teens engaging in some high-tech Mankey business instead found some upper-body trauma when a silverback gorilla killed each of them at the shuttered Primeape reserve on Suncoast Boulevard.
The front of the property appears built up like a Forretress, but the sides were just an unpowered Eelektrik fence the boys Braixen-ly climbed over likely while Seaking a rare Pokemon.
“Abomasnow, we don’t know exactly what they were hunting when they decided to Golurk around the property, but the Pokemon Go app led them a few hundred yards onto the grounds when the ape engaged them,” Hernando County Sheriff Al Nienhuis said. “It just tore them from limb to Drifblim. It was pure Beldum.”
Authorities searching for the boys had to Charmandeer the property, Exeggcute a search and Eraticate the gorilla.
“We had to Dewott we felt was the safest thing for everyone in the surrounding area,” Nienhuis said.
Officials said early reports that the teens were looting the remains of the reserve were unfounded and that there was no Altaria motive.
Nienhuis said authorities did not know a gorilla had remained on the property years after its closure.
“We’re all Honedge because we had no idea there was a loose gorilla Amoonguss,” he said. “But there it was, Azurill as it gets.”
The sheriff praised the valiant effort the boys made to escape.
“I Axew, if you were 14, what would you do?” Nienhuis said. “Those boys fought back, Hitmontop the head with their fists and died with Braviary.
“No Shaymin the fight those boys put up against that gorilla’s Serperior strength.”
Nienhuis made a plea for other parents to take comfort in their own children’s safety after the tragic incident.
“If you have kids, go home, thank the Lord they’re safe and Smoochum,” Nienhuis said.