15 Spring Hill life hacks to facilitate your indolence!
By Frank Fencil | firstname.lastname@example.org
1. Host your garage sale on a day it’s supposed to rain. Any stuff that don’t sell will wash away. No clean-up necessary!
2. If you’re diabetic, you can always find free gently used needles in the sand at Pine Island. Buying new is for suckers!
3. Bring three dead AAA batteries to Kass Circle every Monday and with a little bit of haggling you can trade up to a trip to Hungry Howie’s pizza buffet (you still have to sneak in your own drink, though).
4. Speaking of Kass Circle, sometimes if you listen at night you can hear the ghost of a weeping Papa Clyde churning his ol’ fashioned ice cream.
5. The underfunded Brooksville Police Department uses very old radar technology to check your speed. If you wax your car shiny enough, the rays will bounce right off and you can’t get a ticket.
6. Tell everyone you are friends with Bryan Silverstone and they’ll want to date you. They may only be doing it to get closer to Bryan, but you can get some sweet, sweet love on the good man’s tab in the meantime.
7. You know that median right in front of the McDonald’s at Four Corners? Your tires will roll right over it, so take a left anytime you please!
8. Everyone at the Pickled Parrot is a doctor.
9. You technically aren’t allowed to piss in the Spring Hill fountain, but Hernando County Sheriff’s deputies are under strict orders not to detain you for this. Just sayin’.
10. You can still meet Missy Model if you hang around long enough.
11. Tell the manager at Golden Corral you’re with the health department and she’ll give you a free tour of the food.
12. Here’s one for you cheese lovers! Go through the drive-thru at Greek City Cafe and order a Greek salad with extra feta. Take your order, pull to the other side of the building and quickly pour all the cheese into a baggie. Then go back through the drive-thru and say they left off all the cheese, and the employees will just put more on your salad. Repeat this all day and you’ll need your dad’s gym bag to hold all that free feta!
13. Thanks to a typo at Accuform, few people know the bar is really called Jerry’s Palace. If you let the owner know you know this, he’ll make you part of his inner circle. Free karaoke!
14. Mr. C, the longtime Springstead High School drama teacher and founder of C’s Clowns, now lives South Florida, but he’ll still recite every line to “Ghostbusters” if you call him and he has 105 minutes to spare. Put him on speakerphone!
15. Make sure to show up early to the Clench Fist show, I don’t know.