Six Flags task team torches park to run off coyotes, shuts down U.S. 19
By Frank Fencil | firstname.lastname@example.org
SPRING HILL, Florida – A pseudo-military task team stormed the Six Flags construction site Saturday and torched the property, running off the coyotes that took it over months ago and turning tens millions of dollars of investment into ash.
The fire spread across hundreds of acres, threatening nearby homes and briefly shutting down traffic on U.S. 19.
“Call it collateral damage,” said Six Flags CEO Will Feinstein, who wore military combat fatigues and had grease paint smeared across his face as he spoke to reporters at an triage set up at nearby Buccaneer Bay hours after the operation. “The property is back in the hands of its rightful owners and we will rebuild this park from scratch.
“Mark my words: Six Flags Spring Hill will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. No man or beast can stand in our way.”
Hernando County Sheriff’s Office and emergency management officials were not briefed on the coup and officials expressed deep concern afterwards.
“We had no knowledge of the very reckless plan executed by Six Flags,” Hernando County Sheriff Al Nienhuis said. “My deputies fully planned on arresting Mr. Feinstein, but the armed guards at Buccaneer Bay could not be neutralized before a Six Flags helicopter came in to swoop the man away. He’ll be back and we’ll get him.”