Coyotes spotted soaking up fun in the sun after running off Six Flags developers
By Frank Fencil | firstname.lastname@example.org
Some unwelcome thrill seekers are enjoying the dog days of summer.
The dozens of coyotes that stormed the nearly completed Six Flags site have since been spotted enjoying the rides, pillaging the concession stands and having what one witness described as a “footloose and fancy-free frolic.”
Several animal control officers, clad in SWAT gear and armed to the canines, along with a team of elite Navy SEALs snuck to within a couple hundred yards of the theme park to offer authorities a glimpse at what has transpired on the property since developers, executives and engineers were ambushed and run off.
“These bloodthirsty beasts are having a blast,” said one SWAT member whose identity is being withheld to protect his safety in the event the coyotes learn to read. “If they hadn’t killed five people and sent a couple dozen others to the hospital, I’d be tempted to say it was cute.”
Six Flags CEO Will Feinstein flew into the Hernando County airport the day of the coup and has met several times with local media to avow his revenge on the looting lupi.
“From 19 to 41, Spring Hill Drive will flow red with coyote blood,” Feinstein said. “The great people of Hernando County deserve this theme park and I’ll be goddamned if a few dozen mangy mutts are going to get in our way. Our manifest destiny is your maximum diversion.”