Audubon Society lawsuit forces Spring Hill residents to take down Christmas lights
By Frank Fencil | firstname.lastname@example.org
SPRING HILL, Florida — You can deck your halls this Christmas season, but it’ll be nature, not the nativity, taking precedence in your yard.
An activist judge sided with a left-wing anti-development organization this week in citing a legal loophole that bans virtually all Spring Hill residents from putting up Christmas lights this year as the deed-restricted community is a registered bird sanctuary.
The Audubon Society, a radical group bent on quite literally making this country “for the birds,” filed a suit last summer that few legal experts thought had wings. But Judge William Rollings on Friday announced a verdict in favor of the group, which claimed that the beautiful seasonal decorations giving neighborhoods a warm glow at night violated antiquated international bird law.
“Nary shall a candle annoy such avians as to make for an inconvenience ’ere morn in such a haven for them,” reads the statute adopted in 1854 and famously advocated by liberal activist and writer Henry David Thoreau.
It may sound like old-timey legal double-talk, but it means that Christian families will be barred from erecting Christmas lights and even large displays, such as nativity scenes, they purchased and powered with their hard-earned American dollars.
“To think that this law was written with Christmas lights in mind is revisionist history,” attorney Bill Killgrop said. “It’s clear this law was written and adopted decades before Congress ever saw one of Mr. Thomas Edison’s electric bulbs debut at the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago.
“If our founding fathers were alive today, this is one law they’d surely pull the plug on.”
Penalties for violating this injunction will include a $200 fine for the first citation and a $500 fine for each thereafter, all presumably hand-delivered by jack-booted government thugs. Killgrop is urging those being fined to reach out to his firm and for jurors who care about America’s Christian roots to look into jury nullification.